So 12 months ago today I said, ‘before we go to the water’s edge ; I want to go take a picture of that driftwood teepee on the beach‘.
Well I never made it to the water that day. And it’s hard to fathom that 12 months has gone past since. I have found that I have a strange gratitude what this season has brought. I mean when the MRI said I’d done my LCL, ACL, Meniscus and had a bakers cyst and something wrong with my patella. Firstly, I didn’t know what it all meant; thankful for my docs mini knee to show me thou. When your whole body head plants into the sand because everything from your left knee down stays firm; while the rest of your body falls without being able to brace yourself. Then your head and neck stop first before the rest of you …kinda whipped around and you sit up, going I heard something, grabbing your knee, expecting another wave of pain to hits which never lands. Then it’s strange to say you have gratitude. But I do. So therefore I’ll happily embrace the weirdness of it all.
Let me say this straight.
I’m not happy I was hurt. I’m thankful it wasn’t worst.
I’m not thankful it has been a slow slow slow recovery- I’m thankful I am recovering (115 days since surgery, not that I’m counting😉 , and I’m still using walking aids BUT each day there is improvement 😀and patience which grows🤔).
I’m not thankful it hurts my brain to have to think so determinedly about each step; I’m thankful I still have capacity to do other things while this requires so much of me.
I’m not thankful for all the times I felt like I’ve been doing this season alone; I’m thankful for those who celebrated my mini achievements as if I’d accomplished something world changing.
I’m not thankful for the expenses associated with getting better (especially the month off without pay-ouch!); I’m thankful that I’m not financially stressed and have peace while I walk (😉)this though.
I’m not thankful I had my first every overnight stay in hospital since being born; I’m thankful for our public health system which meant I could have my operation and the fabulous surgeon, doctors and nurses.
I’m not thankful I had to have surgery; I’m thankful that God conquered a fearful situation in that operating room.
I’m not thankful for having to face some major hurdles over the last 12 months; I’m thankful God carried me over each one of them.
The strangest things is that doing my knee was just another things in a long list of stuff that unfolds in life (we all have ups and downs hey!). But instead of finding myself in a pit of self pity- I found myself in a cacoon on contentment; when it make ab-so-lute-ly no sense. And I don’t recall making some big declaration to face it that way. When storms raged around and within- we can laugh when we might otherwise cry when we have an unshakable peace within us. For me that’s been Jesus.
So I’d be glossing over the hard times of the last 12 mths if I didn’t say that many times I just wanted to cry, give up and wallow. If I don’t say that I had many many challenges on all fronts to content with. That at times instead of being greeted with care, concern or even compassion, I was meet with contempt, judgement, condemnation and weighty expectations; which made me feel alone; really alone.
But you know, I’ve been saying this off and on over the last 12 mths. We get to choose how we respond. And as my mentor said to be years ago. ‘Sometimes in life, the way people treat you, shows you who you don’t want to be‘. So there it is; the manure stinks but it gives nutritional value to the soil. So for all the poop that this year has brought, thank you for fertalizing my life. You wanted to bring stench to my world, but instead I’m better because of you. What was a tripping hazard- has instead propelled me into a new season.
So while I’m not thankful that tree tripped me; I’m thankful for the awesome photo I have to mark the start of a season which had brought many unexpected things of value into my world.
Thank you teepee, thank you left knee, thank you JC. ( sorry for my little rhyming).
I have seen over this last little while this verse in action romans 8:28.
So….Happy Anniversary Knee- we are stronger than we were 12 months ago and we are going from strength to strength. Looking forward to many adventures over the coming days, years and decades. Here’s to being whole and healed!
Thank you Lord, for always being with me, even when I tried to do it alone over this last season. You have been my everything. So thankful to do life with you xx
Until next time …. Happy Pondering !!